Get,Smart《糊涂侦探（2008）》完整中英文对照剧本（全文）

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　华纳兄弟电影公♥司♥ 出品 （报考成绩今天揭晓）

　协助拍摄：威秀电影公♥司♥ （最新消息）

　（天控局卫星监听中心 第三频道）

　摄制：默塞克媒体集团银魂电影公♥司♥ （别担心 美♥国♥佬♥根本没起疑心）

　（躲起来的朋友呢

　）

　（美♥国♥佬♥根本没起疑心）

　彼得·西格尔 作品 （核武原料失窃）

　主演：史提夫·卡尔 （买♥♥金鱼饲料、拿歌♥剧票、运动、买♥♥牛奶）

　主演：安·海瑟薇 （边界全都装了铁丝网）

　（而且都通了电）

　（THE CLAW 可能加装新保安系统）

　主演：巨石·强森 （第八次 时间的魅力 ）

　（买♥♥一条金鱼）

　（看看她多大罩杯

　让我的"鱼叉"都竖起来了）

　（那是我老婆）

　主演：亚伦·阿金 片名：糊 涂 侦 探

　柔の工作室压制组 （阿巴合唱团精选 "尝试一下"）

　伦斯·史丹普 泰瑞·克鲁斯 大卫·考区纳 主演：詹姆斯·肯恩 丘增 广内特·特罗伦斯 演员：肯·戴维蒂安 大卫·S 李 这些是天控局仅存的遗物 曾是超机密情报组织 And this display is all that"s left of CONTROL, a secret spy agency

　专门对付名为盖不达的犯罪集团 which once battled against the criminal syndicate known as KAOS. 冷战结束后 天控局就被解散 CONTROL was disbanded at the end of the Cold War. 好了 接下来的展示品是 Okay, up next, an exhibit

　服装设计：黛博拉·史考特 视觉特效：乔·鲍尔 音乐：特雷弗·拉宾 剪辑：里查德·皮埃森 艺术温恩·汤玛士 摄影指导：迪安·塞姆勒 彼得·西格尔史蒂夫·卡瑞尔 布兰特·欧康纳 监制：吉米·米勒唐娜·戈柏布鲁斯·柏曼 角色原创：梅尔·布鲁克斯巴克·亨利 安德鲁·拉♥萨♥ 麦克·艾温 制片：查尔斯·罗文艾利克斯·贾特纳 编剧：汤姆·艾斯托麦特·安柏 导演：彼得·西格尔 茱蒂 电梯还是像自♥由♥落体一样快 Judy, the elevator is still doing that thing where it drops really fast. 你真的有找人来修过吗

　 Are you sure Maintenance fixed that

　我查查看 Let me check. 对 修过了 Yep, they fixed it. 回头见 See you later. （天控总部 上午 7 点 45 分）

　嗨 麦斯

　天字 50 号♥

　Hey, Max.

　Agent 50. 苍蝇是怎么飞进地下十六层的

　 16 floors down, how"d a fly even get in here

　 嗨 麦斯

　麦斯

　Hey, Max.

　Max

　嗨 小赖、天字 91 号♥ Hey, Larabee, 91. 对 今天是大日子 搞不好你以后再不必坐办公桌了 Yeah, big day. Could be your last chance to push a pencil. 外勤特务的报考成绩今天揭晓 Fieldagent test results are due. 是今天吗

　我都没在想这件事 Oh. Is that today

　I wasn"t really thinking about it. 你能想像麦斯当特务吗

　 一套小西装、一双小皮鞋 Can you imagine Max as an agent

　Little suit, little shoes.

　小心 前方有两个"智"障 Uhoh. Twonerd pileup.

　让开

　 哇

　Move

　 Ow

　猛♥男♥ 中看不中用 Pretty boys. Nothing but empty suits.

　早 布鲁斯 早 洛伊德

　你为什么想当特务

　Good morning, Bruce, Lloyd.

　Why would you wanna be an agent

　我们是化验师 你是分♥析♥员 我们才是幕后功臣 I mean, lab guys like us, analysts like you, we"re the real soldiers. 我们才是民♥主♥自♥由♥的扞卫者 We"re the true guardians of freedom and democracy. 而且听说我们装了新的咖啡机 And I hear we"re getting a new cappuccino machine. 很不幸 只有特务才能用 No, that"s only for agents. 嘿 天字 23 号♥回来了 Hey, Agent 23 is back. 谢谢你们 谢谢大家

　Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

　欢迎回来 23 号♥

　嘿 麦斯

　Welcome back, 23.

　Maxie. 暗♥杀♥行动结果如何

　 So how was the assassination

　麦斯你知道 行政命令 12333 Maxie, you know assassinations are specifically prohibited

　禁止暗♥杀♥行动 by executive order 12333. 3 号♥ 我会被你笑死 23, you kill me.

　我是可以让你死

　是啊

　I could if I wanted to.

　Yes, you

　Oh. Oh

　看到他耍狠的脸吗

　超可怕的 Did you see that face he made

　Scary. 半年的心血 一千八百万的成本 Six months" work. 18 million dollars. 可恶的特务 Fricking agents, man. 来吧 让我们看看

　Come on, let"s see it. 这地区有很多关于核料的谈话

　 A lot of chatter in this region involves nuclear material. 你们可能记得 在我上次交的报告中 第 627 页 You may remember from page 627 of my last report

　盖不达集团对核武提高兴趣

　that there has been an uptick in KAOS interest in nukes. 对此 我侧录到对方的交谈 To wit, I offer the following conversation. 你在干嘛

　你在打简讯吗

　 What are you doing

　Are you texting

　对 我跟未婚妻说六月办不了婚礼 Yeah, letting my fiancee know we won"t be able to get married in June. 因为我还会在开会 I"ll still be in this meeting.

　借我看一下

　好啊

　Can I see that a second

　 Yeah. 你真贴心 That"s great. 怪了 你失去讯号♥了 That"s weird. You lost your signal. 抱歉打扰了 麦斯 请继续 Sorry to interrupt, Maxie, go ahead. 下次用自己的手♥机♥ Next time use your own damn phone. 早 男士们 除了你 凯伦 Good morning, men. No, offense, Karen. 你的领带很帅 Snappy tie. 抱歉迟到 我刚跟那个惹人厌

　Sorry I"m late, but I just came out of a budget meeting

　自以为是的副总统开完预算会议 with our incredibly abrasive, dismissive and sarcastic vice president. 没关系

　It"s no problem. 我侧录到巴拉德餐馆小弟的谈话 I have obtained a snippet, at great risk to a busboy in Balahd. "阿夫塔 咖啡怎样

　" "Aftab, how is your coffee " "不错 达立 这是无咖♥啡♥因♥咖啡" "Good, Dalip, it"s decaf. "你的咖啡怎样

　" How is yours "

　"也不错" "It is good also." "你的马芬如何

　" "How is your muffin " 这就是最有力的证据 Powerful stuff. 所以"马芬"是代号♥吗

　 So "muffin," then, is a code word

　不 那是一种松饼 No, it is comfort food

　比一般人想的更容易致胖 and quite frankly, more fattening than most people realize. 这就不禁让人想问

　Which begs the question

　这两名盖不达特务 why would two hardened KAOS agents

　干嘛猛吃淀粉

　 risk the carbs

　因为他们承受很大的压力 Because they are under a great deal of stress.

　所以才喝无咖♥啡♥因♥咖啡

　对阿夫塔来说 是的

　Hence the decaf.

　For Aftab, yes. 达立是喝一般咖啡 为什么

　 Dalip takes his fullstrength. Why

　因为他这三天来都睡沙发 Because he has been sleeping on the couch for three days

　因为他骂他老婆的大姐老处♥女♥ because he called his sisterinlaw a "leathery hag." 很多人生气时会口不择言 People often say things in anger they don"t really mean. 老处♥女♥、肥猪、贱♥货♥ Leathery hag, fat cow, ungrateful whore. 只是说说而已嘛 打监护权官司时不能拿来对付我 Just words, really, that shouldn"t be used against you in a custody hearing. 算了吧 反正小孩长得不像你 Let it go, man. Those kids don"t even look like you. 拜托别闲聊 Can we put a pin in this, please

　继续听麦斯精彩的报告吧 and go back to Max"s extraordinarily detailed report

　谢谢你 局长 我只想说

　Thank you, Chief. All I"m saying is

　如果不把敌人当一般人看待 that until we understand that our enemies are also human

　就永远无法打败他们 we will never defeat them. 没错 他们是坏人 但那是他们的工作 不是他们的本性 Yes, they are bad guys, but that is what they do, not who they are. 让我们继续听下去 Let"s continue listening

　请记得 接下来一百页会有点枯燥 and bear in mind that the next 100 pages can get a little bit dry. 拜托

　Come on

　（车♥臣♥ 阿尔贡 晚上 10 点整）

　小心点 这玩意有辐射性 Easy, Durat

　This stuff is radioactive. 一出错就会大爆♥炸♥ One slipup, and it"s "kafrickingboom " 史达克 Shtarker. 这是盖不达集团 不准出错 This is KAOS. We don"t "kafrickingboom" here. 对不起 齐格菲先生 Sorry, Mr. Siegfried. 搬上车 把这地方夷为平地 Get it in the truck, and let"s burn this place to the ground. 东西既然到手 何必要炸掉这里

　 But if we have what we want, why burn the building

　谁还有问题

　 Any more questions

　（启动

　爆♥炸♥）

　你打歪了

　 Missed me

　好啦 好啦 我出局了 All right

　All right

　I"m out

　他在唬烂你 你刚才没打歪 He was lying, Max. It was a good shot. 谢了 Thanks. 我受够了训练 我想执行任务 I am so sick of training. I wanna get out in the field.

　投降吧 天字 23 号♥ 你们只剩下你和麦棉条了 Give it up, 23

　It"s just you and Maxipad against the six of us. 喔 "麦棉条"啊 又帮我取新绰号♥了 Oh, gee, Maxipad, I"ve never heard that one before

　以前真的没听过这个 I never have actually heard that before. 3 号♥ 你在流血 23, you"re bleeding. 是上次任务留下的刀伤 我每次发飙 就会渗血 It"s a knife wound from the last mission. My blood gets pumping, it seeps. 喂 "哈麦两齿"

　Hey, Maxine

　何不出来陪我玩

　Come over here and we"ll play a game I like to call 遛狗游戏吧

　 "Let"s Go to the Dog Show." 我用项圈套住你 把你当成狗 I put a collar on you and make you my bi

　 我想我把他给惹毛了 I think I really got inside his head. 我为我的行为感到可耻 I am not proud of what I just did. I am not proud of what I just did. 你玩完了 碎念妞 Game over, Chatty Cathy. 我说玩完 才算玩完 Game over when I say it"s over.

　好吧

　吃屎吧

　Okay.

　Wet willy. 好了 谁想吃午饭

　 Okay. Who wants lunch

　干得好 23 号♥ 不过我自己也行

　Well, excellent work, 23, but I could"ve handled it my

　 麦斯 局长要见你

　我也很高兴见到你

　Max, the Chief wants to see you.

　It is nice to see you too

　局长 你要见我

　 You wanted to see me, Chief

　对 麦斯 请坐吧 Yes, Max, yes, please, sit down. 我拿到你的报考成绩

　Your fieldagent test results just came in and

　 你耳朵在痒吗

　绝对没有

　 Something wrong with your ear

　 Absolutely not. 你要先接吗

　我可以等 Would you like me to wait while you answer that

　接什么

　 Answer what

　没事 你刚才要说什么

　 Nothing. You were saying

　我要说你的成绩很好 I was saying the results are quite extraordinary. 事实上 你对存在主义的申论题 回答得超赞 In fact, your essay on existentialism was quite amazing. 那一题我留下一片空白 I left that section blank. 空白

　太高杆了

　 Blank

　Brilliant. 干得好

　麦斯 Brilliant, Max.

　反正你以高分过关

　好耶

　You passed with flying colors.

　Yes

　老实说 我并不觉得意外 You know what, sir

　I can"t say that I am shocked. 因为我对今年的考试很有信心 I felt good about this year"s test, in light of the fact

　尤其是去年我的确有点发福

　that in previous years, my fitness has been an issue. 个人最佳成绩 Personal best. 但我减重成功 随时能出任务 But not anymore. I"m ready for duty. 麦斯 我知道你很努力 I know how hard you"ve prepared for this

　也很想当特务

　and how much this means to you

　不过我不能升你的职

　but I"m afraid I can"t promote you.

　什么

　我不能失去最好的分♥析♥员

　What

　 I can"t afford to give up my best analyst. 你最会窃听 而且你的报告

　I mean, the amount of chatter you get through, and the reports

　不只是资料那么简单

　I mean, they go way beyond the raw data.

　就因为 我表现得太好 所以不能升职 So to be clear, you"re not promoting me, because I do such a great job. 麦斯 没人了解你我的工作理念 Max, the way you and I work is becoming a...

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